今天，我收到了一位匿名读者给我在九月七日（你深藏我心）一文的评论留言。这一篇用英文发过来的留言，字字感人，句句皆让我漱然泪下。不管她是谁，但是我们都有着同样的伤感 - 怀念我们心中的一位至爱亲人。

一个是怀念母亲，一个是怀念祖母。

母亲在四年前的阳历9月7日悄然离去，祖母在四年前的农历八月初一默默安息。

一个是永远没有机会给母亲买水糕，一个是再也吃不到祖母的糯米饭。

这一篇留言，紧紧地扣着我的心，我不想破坏文章的一字一思，一句一念，因此决定不翻译它。我相信读者读了之后，一定会更珍惜他们眼前所拥有的一切人和事。

I waited till this day to post my comment.

According to the lunar calender, 4 years ago (tomorrow, 八月初一) was the first
time I lost someone whom I'm closely related to. She is my late maternal
grandmother. Before, never have I experience losing someone this way. Friends
come and go, people close to my heart moved, relocated but I know they are
around somewhere out there in this world - contactable. But my grandma, left...
for good.

I wasn't exactly physically nor spiritually close to my grandmother when
she was alive. I visited her with my family once a week when I was very young,
thereafter, it became fortnightly and then once a month and slowly, as and
when...

I missed the food she took pains in preparing for us every Sunday where all
of us gather at her flat in Tiong Bahru. She was a good cook. She enjoyed
cooking, took pleasure in knowing that we appreciate what she puts on the dining table. In her dying days, one day, I overheard her telling my dad that she wants
to make gluttinous rice for all. She was already bed/wheelchair-ridden then. My
dad suggested that she instructs the maid on how to go about preparing it. We
all know it will taste different because "grandma's taste" will not be in the
gluttinous rice. She didn't do it eventually.

I took her presence, in fact everybody's presence for granted. I know she's
getting old and weak. Naturally, one day, she'll leave us. We thought we were
well mentally prepared but it turned out to be wrong. It is not anything that
I've imagined it to be. The emptiness in my heart on the day she left drove me
crazy. Reality hit me hard on that day. We were late. We didn't get the chance
to see her one last time. When I arrived, she seemed to be sleeping, peacefully.
Her body, still luke-warm. Its hard to believe that she's gone. Its hard to
believe that never will I hear her voice again, telling me to visit her whenever
I'm free, never will I see her waving goodbye with her frail hand at me
everytime I'm leaving her place.

I am guilt-ridden each time she did that. I wasn't exactly having a good
time at grandma's place during each visit. Usually, there's only my late
grandparents and my family. I cannot communicate well with them as I don't speak good cantonese. Thus, most of the times, my eyes are glued to the tube but never did I realize that they are contented with us just sitting there. Their beloved grandchildren spending their "precious" time watching tv with their "worthless"
grandparents! No, they aren't worthless, of course! They meant alot but it was
only when my grandma left, I came to realization. Everytime I leave their place,
I felt like crying, I feel sorry for my grandma who has no one to talk to and
who's always looking forward to the weekend when her family will visit her. I
swear everytime she said "do come and see me often" that I will be back next
week but, I did not. It will be weeks after when I next see her again. I took
her presence for granted! I was wrong but there is no turning back.

I cried hard, never have I cried that much in my entire 30 years of life
when she passed on. Flashbacks of her made me tear, memories of her voice, her
movements made me sob uncontrollably. The day of cremation was the worst.
Somehow, I couldn't accept the fact that a human, with flesh and blood turn to
only an urn of ash. Its much too cruel for me to accept. I cannot accept death,
especially of someone I know, someone who's so close to my heart.Its been 4
years. I still cry like now whenever I think of her. I wonder where she is now,
how she's getting on now. There is nothing I wish for her except that she's
leading a better life in another world. Hopefully, afterlife will be easy on
her. She has worked hard for the family. Time to rest in peace, MY DEAREST
GRANDMOTHER...

Your eldest grand daughter...